Mooo....

2006-11-25T19:32:00.000+08:00

Sigh, this is the first time I walked out of an exam hall early. Not just a little early, its one whole hour early. 1pm in, 230pm out. It was open book but previous years had a pretty extensive formula list behind, roughly 4 pages. This time they shaved it to 1 page of super basic formulas that any idiot would know citing that we could bring in the text book.

Fine, I should have bought one and I have the money to buy one. I didn't want to because its such a hassle to try and sell it after using it for one sem. They aren't very useful anyway. Argh. I'm feeling so fed up. I only did one out of 4 questions. This is so utterly hopeless, especially when you see the questions, know how to do them, but cannot remember any of the 39 useful formula you usually get from looking at any of the past 8 papers (4 years!!). Why why... I'm going to repeat so many modules I might as well have not been in school this sem. How to look forward when this paper is like one of the better ones? Tuesday's one is like a total impossibility already. Do you know what is utter hopelessness and despair? This is it. I can't face myself in the mirror already.. I don't even feel like I'm looking at my own face. How come last time can now cannot? What worked before doesn't any more?

I used to live without regret or apology. Now I realise that to live like this is to repeat mistakes. I don't wanna study anymore. I really don't want, but i have no choice. I'm going to be the unheard of 0.1% that doesn't make it through uni education.

2006-11-23T19:22:00.000+08:00

After tuesday it'll just be me having exams. This is a terrible feeling. I'm not alone but I feel very alone already. Sigh.

2006-11-18T03:48:00.000+08:00

Hahaha...

2006-11-16T20:45:00.000+08:00

http://www.teamhoyt.com/

Total Events

206 Triathlons, 6 Ironman distances
20 Duathlons
64 Marathons, 24 straight Boston Marathons
7 18.6 Milers
78 Half Marathons
1 20K
34 10 Milers
27 Falmouth 7.1 milers, 1 Falmouth in the Fall
8 15K
204 10K
143 5 Milers
4 8K
15 4 Milers
92 5K
6 20 Milers
2 11K

Total 911 events

Personal Bests

2:40:47 Marathon
56:21 15K
1:21:12 Half Marathon
40:27 7.1 Miler
13:43:37 Ironman Triathlon
35:48 10K
2:01:54 18.6 miler
27:17 5 miler
59:01 10 miler
17:40 5K
2:10:45 20 miler

Biked and ran across the USA in 1992-3,735 miles in 45 consecutive days
Biked the states of Connecticut,Rhode Island, Massachussets,with "Axa World Ride '95"
Biked from Pittsburgh,PA to Washington DC with "Axa World Ride 95 "

2006-11-16T20:44:00.001+08:00

2006-11-16T01:45:00.000+08:00

Its a M-249 SAW.

And here it is compared with our homegrown ultimax. Or course, its one sided but.. haha.. so nice to remember firing it. With lotsa TLC, the ultimax is great to fire!

Okay okay.. just felt bored and was looking at millitary videos. Including the one that made it to the newspapers. Pretty funny i must say.

2006-11-09T17:03:00.000+08:00

Well, I came across this blog in my travels around the net and realised he lives in the same residence as me. He's a fit guy, tanned, still around in NUS but probably not staying in the same room anymore. Judging by the pictures, he lives at one of the rooms I walk past on my way to the shower just last sem. Not too sure about now though. Anyway, he blogged in memory of his dear friend who passed away I guess. There was a photocollage but i think thats too much. Here is what he wrote:

It's strange this friendship I have with Lena. She's this wonderful girl who has never failed to bring a smile to my face. I know with her I don't have any inhibitions. I can be myself, and she can be wonderfully her. But the dynamics of this friendship is kinda peculiar, in my opinion, as I will list down.

1. She doesn't expect anything out of me, she has never once asked me to do anything or wanted anything from this friendship that we have.

2. We can not meet for the entire holidays but still revert to how close we were during our academic semesters.

3. We never had any heated arguments or quarrels that led to us having any cold wars or whatnot.

4. She has never been displeased with whatever I've done, maybe just shaking her head a lil and just smiling back at me. (Is she disapproving but very tolerant?)

5. We can make the greatest plans for our holidays and carry them out, the funkiest outings and have a ball of a time, yet not feel that we've left each other out whenever we're not with the other party. (e.g. when I'm not studying with her and with my other friends, likewise when she has her ktv sessions with her hall friends)

How does this work, being such great friends, yet not demanding anything out of the other? I revel in Lena's company and I feel that she does in mine. Are we not beyond a certain level of a friendship, have we not gone to the next level? Or is that Lena's way of keeping our friendship in check? I enjoy the way this friendship works in any case. Me asking her out, her asking me out. It's so simple. It's so nice. Hanging out. Liking one another for what they are. Maybe that's cuz there's little to dislike about Lena, she's too perfect.

It's this charm that keeps me drawn to Lena. Her ever endearing persona. Her bubbly and cheerful disposition. I figure she may be like me, the kind who don't shed their emotion easily. She's strong. I've seen her when she's fragile, but I know that she's strong.

Ask me how do I know? That whatever I've said might be just my own interpretation? True, it might be. But, I guess some things are immeasurable. I've known her for close to 18 months. Time might not be a factor, but you can roughly gauge a person's demeanour well enough with experience. On the other hand, you think you know someone, but .... you know the rest of the story.

Keep it simple
J

Me and Lena might be applying for this student program called "Travel USA". (Although there's Europe too) Basically, us kids will pay for our air tickets to go abroad to study for a period of time, 3 months? Yea, that's supposed to earn us back the tickets and give us some allowance for spending. Though I doubt it'll be enough. It'll be quite a nifty graduation trip, if we get selected that is. I'm not sure if my mom will be supportive of this idea though, my brief 1 mth trip in USA got her sobbing over the webcam.

I've been cooking a lot with Lena in my OKR pantry. It's amazing how long one can take to prepare food just for cooking. You'd be amazed at what we can dish up though. If I have the time, I'll post the pictures of the food we've cooked so far. And so far, the only bad thing abt our food is that it's saltier than normal. We haven't cooked something that makes us cringe and want to throw it away yet. Haha.

A friend yesterday asked why I attend lectures alone nowadays. Yea, this sem is the first one where I go to most of my life science lectures alone. Somehow, I find it rather therapeutic to sit alone during a lecture. I'm more focused, I feel. And less dependent on my friends for their lab reports, assignments and whatnot. This forces me to do the stuff alone, which is really good so far. I could join my other friends, but something inexplicable just keeps me away. Heh. Some things you just can't explain.

Lena's been really good company. Gym, jogging, class, cooking, it's like back to good ol' days in Sheares. (Less the raving gossips abt us) She said something once that I felt was the truth, she said, "No one treats you better than I do". A casual remark it was, but truthful it is. I appreciate her for being there for me all the time. I do try to do the same, but somehow I don't feel that I can give more than she can. Perhaps that's always the case. There can't be a balance in such things. That one will always give more than the other. Just as long as I don't take her for granted.

Ok, that is all for now. Doubt anyone's reading already. Haha. Ciao now. :)

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

A cancer that won't quit.

Her legs are arched, her limbs swollen with water

Her right hand flimsy, yet beating with anger

Her tears are incessant, her cries are soft

Her pain, she pleads, her pain, she howls

Her eyes she shut, her prayers to Him

"Please Lord, please, take me away"

Her teeth clasped shut, her lips in prayer

For You to embrace her, to be with You forever

If there were a God, please release her

Her prayers are not for naught, her sins I know of none

Her pain is inhuman, her pain You can heal

Her darkest hour, her lips still locked in prayer

Her trust in You, her faith will not waver

Pls deliver her from her pain, or make a miracle happen.

She doesn't deserve to go through such suffering.

Friday, June 09, 2006

mistake.

God, You took the wrong person away.

I miss you.

Yea. I'm surprised myself. Never thought I was capable of such emotions. But the bond between us was so strong. I've never thought so. I've always felt that friends who don't quarrel have issues. They probably don't know each other well enough, or have the guts to speak up to something they don't like about each other. We must have liked each other a lot. There was never a dull day. There was never a single argument that led to unhappiness. I have never felt like I'm obligated to do anything for you, cuz all I did, was of my own accord and I wholeheartedly wanted to do it. To raise that cheek of yours, to see that glimmer in your eyes whenever you get a surprise.

Our exchanges were never equal. I never felt that I've done enough for you than you have for me. Be it material or emotional expressions, I've never felt on par with what you can offer. But it's not about measuring who gives more isn't it? It is. I'm constantly aware of it. If I could ever make it up to you. Just to have you speak to me again. It's impossible I know. You were the best I had. I just didn't know it.

We saw each other almost everyday. Never dreaded a moment of it. It's true that you don't know what you've got until it's gone. But I'm glad you gave me the chance to experience what life is all about. Even if it is short-lived.

I have not felt it for the longest time.

And that ends his musings over the matter. Was just thinking how similar his life is to mine and how we're all young and energetic and free. Hmm.. I guess its not really easy to swallow when someone young passes away. Especially when that person is such a close friend. SO.. moral of the story is to better not take your friends for-granted.

2006-11-08T03:17:00.000+08:00

The fighter in me is beaten.

Knocked out cold.

The exams are just going to dance all over my sorry corpse..

2006-11-02T12:48:00.000+08:00

Felt very sick last night and wasted a good hour or 2 lying down. When i got up to do my essay I didn't finish until 4! Sigh.. Now I'm feeling so wasted, I'm going to be going for lab soon. Its terrible , hope it isn't as hard as the last one where nobody managed to finish more than 1 out of 4 experiments. Just so ridiculous to try it out on us. Wonder if they actually tried the experiment themselves. Oh well, no more time to blog.. have to watch double speed ee2004 lectures again so i can catch up in time for exams.

2006-11-01T01:10:00.000+08:00

Andrew Murray - Abiding in Christ

It is because Jesus has taken hold of me, and because Jesus keeps me, that I dare to say: "Saviour, I abide in you.

2006-10-29T11:58:00.000+08:00

Along the road of life I have a friend divine
Who walks with me and gently leads the wayy
He gives me joy and makes the darkest night to shine
It is my Lord who won my heart one day

I do not mind the rough and winding pathway
O're mountain steep, thru' valley dark and cold
It is enough to know he travels by my side
Along the road that leads to streets of gold

How wonderful!

2006-10-28T22:21:00.000+08:00

Of Music and Ministry

Nowadays, I listen to music and i feel it doesn't speak or say anything anymore. Its like a lifeless tool. Yet logical arguments dictate that it has a message and meaning all the time. Music does not hold any special place in my heart anymore. It doesn't entertain, it doesn't edify. Its been reduced to technicalities, running notes, fast fingers and varying dynamics. Worship through music in this condition seems more than ever before like grasping for the wind. This clearly speaks of an issue in my heart that I am failing to see. Or rather, am seeing but failing to acknowledge. I like to concentrate on the words of a song more than ever nowadays because I'm so distracted by the music. Its so hard to keep focused on the words all the way through a song. It astounds me that I've done that for most part of my life. I'm so disillusioned by the music. Whats it for anyway? Just because we can we must? The hammer that makes everything a nail? I know we must give our best to God, and that includes our music. Its just that personal experience tends to try and negate those immutable facts. After I stopped playing my clarinet for worship a few things (actually 2) have become evident.

1) It really doesn't matter
2) I've become jaded by that very fact

Now, the question is why was I playing then? I don't even know anymore if what i really believed about myself at that point in time was real. I think I can safely say about a year or more of morning worships went up in a puff of smoke. Totally worthless to me and to everyone else. If it doesn't matter in this short stint on earth, whats it going to matter in eternity? If it didn't matter for eternity, what in the world am I doing it for?

I'm just suddenly pondering the possibility that I've served in the flesh all my life and the great futility of that. Maybe its been that way all my life. Maybe I'm having a bad day. Maybe I'm having a thinking too much day. Maybe I'm having a dump my mind on my blog day.

One not-maybe is that God don't need my service and he wants me. I want to rest in his care but I'm finding it so hard to let go of everything. Oh dearie me. Whatever will become of me.
I feel like I have control of this body and mind but i have no power over it. Yet to ask for the power over it is the very opposite of what we really need. That is to bring them to him and let him take care of it.

Romans 7:19-25 (New King James Version)

19 For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.
20 Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.

21 I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good.
22 For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man.
23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
24 O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?
25 I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.

"O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" Indeed this is my plea tonight. To be saved from myself. Everyday.

Sigh.

2006-10-25T12:08:00.000+08:00

Day 1 meal 1:

Bread and water for you?

2006-10-25T08:29:00.001+08:00

So you think you've seen weird stuff? Well, you ain't seen no weird stuff 'til you've see this!

2006-10-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

Ahhhh!!! UBER COOL! I want.. but i have to wait until dec or even january.. sigh. Can't afford to mess up my computer when its all i depend on.

2006-10-13T21:36:00.000+08:00

Pictures PICTURES PPEEEEEKKTUUUUREEESSSSSSS!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! hahahahaha... I'm feeling fun and nostalgic.

Forgot his name.. he was gooood!!!!

One of the first few pictures. I was so thin!

Candice.. the no.9 bus buddy

50c a round, winner takes all! Too bad i din. Only bought 4 rounds.

Joey's testimony

ITS PAK!!

Butterflies mating. See, the wonders of nature in the horrible NS

I practically memorised every piece of grafitti in this sentry post. Can't remember if i added anything. I stayed here in isolation for 8 HOURS!!! My fren was kind enough to snap me with my 2 best friends. Mosquito coil and red flag.

17th birthday?

haha.. bunch of idiots during CO night. Or was it racial harmony day? I cannot remember

Fellowship of suffering @ Leopard
from left to right:MY PC: Still counting his 7000++ Days | BLACK PC: Figured out what is qiao ke li | MY PS: Getting treatment for being Obccessive workaholic | SLACKER: so slack he can relac one corner in a round room | NAZIRRRRR: Still nursing ppl back to health. Nursing his own mental health also.

CHAO TA BAO

SIT TEST...

Night Vision Goggles + Camera Phone.

My PC trying to count his 7000 days

shuyi's pig. Dunno which year.

Horsing around with lotsa horse shoe crab @ permantang!! aiyah.. din get to fish there.. boo..

rec on right: Have you seen my helmet?
rec on left:????

Yes, count them!! 48 of them glorious kevlar helmets. Remember kids, don't hang you helmet on your SBO in front of 3sg Alvin.

Picture number 1

The person who took it. Look at the rebonded hair! haha....

Esplanade lookalike at shooting range. See, safety is our highest concern!! Along with earphones as earplugs(they work really good, only radio reception on helmet radio no good)

"Kids, next time don't study until so hard... if not you become like jie jie charissa head big big and square square one."

I heard of gastric bands but this is ridiculous.

Had a tough time with those sunday afternoon FBI sessions.

He's like that cos he's looking at you.

Botak botak.. going to ORD LOH!!! WHEEEEEE!!!!

2006-10-12T16:00:00.000+08:00

These Chinooks keep flying over NUS. Jus realise they look pretty goofy... reminds me of my army days. Met some guy from my BMT today who has been in my tutorialc class all the time.. Small world.

2006-10-11T17:52:00.000+08:00

Okay, I passed

Here's some pictures from the concert hall in the yong siew toh conservatory of music

2006-10-11T13:13:00.000+08:00

I think I'm abit crazy already. I feel like going school to study! Sigh.. spent a whole morning at home in utter un-productivity!!! Later going for driving test. I hope I pass.. haha..

2006-10-10T21:31:00.000+08:00

After 8hrs.. Another successful pwnage! Fastest ever!!! Lab 6 this time.

*bows to applause*
thank you, thank you.. hahaha

2006-10-09T16:47:00.000+08:00

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away…

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy….

SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank.
Then you execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows.
The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder.
He sells the rights to all 7 cows’ milk back to the listed company, and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.

NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

SINGAPOREAN CIVIL SERVICE
You have two cows. You scold each one everyday before and after milking.
You teach one of them to scold the other.
You instruct them to moo only on command.

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

2006-10-09T16:15:00.000+08:00

The recital was amazing.. At least it impressed me more than the one on sat. That was dismal quality from a music conservatory cos I've seen sec sch bands WAY better as a collective.

Anyway about the recital.. the girl playing was a first year student and she was GOOD. Well, not perfect but I liked what she played because it felt musical and soothing. Technicaly good but not to the point it became robotic good. Her phrasing, breathing - all so effortless and spot on. Dynamics varied well through the piece too. Incidentally I already had a recording of it so i wasn't listening to something I didn't already have a benchmark tocompare with.

This all makes me want to practise more and go get a grade 8 but for the moment I shall concentrate on VHDL programming, Circuit design and my cs1102c lab6 due on thursday.

Lastly I shall post a verse which sort of lands itself into what programmers call an infinite loop.

James 1:21-23 (New King James Version)

Doers—Not Hearers Only

22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; 24 for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. 25 But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.

2006-10-09T10:06:00.000+08:00

Going for this later. Then after that going to have to go for MNO1001 lecture. I haven't really done my readings. Now in cs1101c tutorial going through midterm test papers. I think I'm dead! so different from my answers... sigh.

2006-10-09T00:39:00.000+08:00

Say hi to Dina the dinosaur! (You have to wait a while before you can see it in action, the file is about 300k..)

Thanks Cheryl and Charissa.

2006-10-07T01:01:00.000+08:00

Studies are very demoralising. Now CS1102c turns out not to be the real menace this sem. Its all my other electrical engineering modules. I wonder if its because of all the effort or is it because its really my stronger area. Bought a $10 MG from some guy on the forums and he told me how not to expect much money from engineering and how indians and chinamen are cheaper and better than us at alot of stuff. The future looks so dim and bleak and I'm whipping myself so hard to get there. Ha.. some kinda lame joke of life this is.

2006-10-05T20:50:00.000+08:00

Well, its a fresh new look! Hope you all like it. I thought the nice wavy background was really nice so I made a whole new theme for it. hehe.. Tell me what you think!

Anyway for those who live online, service schedule is now available online here.

2006-10-02T23:05:00.000+08:00

Birthday today! Mine, yes mine.. Its really quiet this year la, esp after last year. Most enjoyable present so far is helicopter from david ong! heh.. Anyway thanks to all who did message me.

Went to outback to eat steak today with my parents. Maybe I should have gone to oscars at conrad.. Oh well, doesn't matter that much i guess.. I'm going to rest soon, got a long day tomolo and its just going to be crazy.. Have to rush off halfway from lab to go drive. Sigh.. I shoud have studied abit more during my holidays but i was just tired and sick most of the time. A year older a year more.. only 17800 more mornings to wake up to i think. If i live another 50 years. I'm off to bed!

2006-09-30T04:46:00.000+08:00

4:46am: I think i might have gotten too much sleep for my own good. Goodness, its even enough for 2 days! sigh..

2006-09-30T01:23:00.000+08:00

Trying the new blogger beta. Oh well.. I think its great.. Interface looks like it works on Ajax.. means nothing for non web developers. Anyway theres a password function, which people who have something to hide will want to use. Some other things i haven't explored yet too... some tag thing.. I think that'll be useful.

2006-09-30T00:18:00.000+08:00

Was sick the last 2 days. Slept for 17hours!! 5pm to 11am the next day.. Felt like a newborn babe when I got up. Today went to school to film something for my project, now at home blogging from yx's laptop while waiting for something to update. Anyway while transferring pictures I found some of my dogs! such nice memories..

And this is how far they seem now..

Far far away.. ha.. oh well. I feel like I'm walking my rocher everytime I come home no matter how late out of guilt. Oh well, I'm off to bed.

2006-09-25T18:22:00.000+08:00

See this funny mail I got in my inbox

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up
a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0
installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other
system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football
5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to
run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please
help!

Thanks,
Troubled User. (KEEP READING)

____________ _________ _________ _______
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that
it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an
OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!! !
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend
7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from
the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to
not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-
Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on
improving the situation. I suggest installing the background
application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE
because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command
before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high
maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as
Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use
will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this
happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to
purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds
5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With
Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and
will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Well, it not totally orthadox but its good laughing material for the guys out there.

2006-09-20T20:05:00.000+08:00

1400-1610: Computer lab, chatted up some guy who helped me last week. He's a nice chinaman, the first of its kind I've encountered. Din make much progress. Added tons of cout statements to debug the program.

1610-1630: At the dreamweaver workshop I made it work when my batteries were almost gone! It compiled... it ran.. and it computed the numbers correctly! haha.. I tried to submit but was not able to because my computer shut down cos no batt.

1705: submited my lab and started screaming when i saw it passed al the dynamic tests.

2003-????: Dinner at home, prepared by dency. It was nice. Just too bad it wasn't more. Anyhow, I think I need to lose more weight.

2006-09-20T11:41:00.000+08:00

0635 - no progress for the past 3 hours. I need to go to school now

2006-09-20T03:31:00.000+08:00

Its 0332hrs!!! AAAAAAAAARGHGGG!!!! WHO'S YOUR DADDY!!!!!!

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///// LogName: u0508802
///// FullName:
///// CreationDate: 2006-09-20 00:13:28
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#include
#include
#include
#include

using namespace std;
int eval(string&, string&);
void convert(list& );

//---------------------------
//Main function
int main()
{
list v;
list::iterator i = v.begin();
stack numstack;

convert(v);

//print output
while (i != v.end())
cout << *i ; system ("pause"); return 0; } //--------------------------- //Converts to postfix void convert(list& v){
stack ops;
list::iterator i = v.begin();
string line, item;
int counter=0;

//read whole line
getline(cin, line);

//create string stream
istringstream istrs(line);

//read from line into item string until next space is met
while(!istrs.eof()) {
istrs >> item;

//decide what to do with operators
//if its an operator add to stack unless its ) then pop until (
if (item == "("){
ops.push("(");
}

if (item == ")"){
while (ops.top() != "("){
v.insert(i, ops.top());
ops.pop();
}
ops.pop();
}

if (item == "*"){
ops.push("*");
}

if (item == "/"){
ops.push("/");
}

if (item == "+"){
ops.push("+");
}

if (item == "-"){
ops.push("-");
}

//decide what to do with numbers
if (item != "-")
if (item != "+")
if (item != "*")
if (item != "/")
if (item != "(")
if (item != ")"){
//put number into list
v.insert(i, item);
}

}//End of While

// flush ops stack and print content
cout << "print ops "; while (!ops.empty()){ v.insert(i, ops.top()); ops.pop(); } cout << i =" v.begin();">&) {
int answer;
string line, item;
//read whole line
getline(cin, line);

//create string stream
istringstream istrs(line);

//read from line into item string until next space is met
while(!istrs.eof()) {
istrs >> item;
}
return answer;
}

That took me 4 hours! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! you can't imagin how i'm feeling now!!! RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! hahaha... I'm halfway there! I hope i'll be done before i go to school.

it converts infix expressions to postfix to calculate.

so ( 1 + 2 ) / ( 3 * 4 ) becomes 1 2 + 3 4 * /

basically this is to eliminate use of parenthesis and have no ambiguity in evaluating an expression. check here for a mini lecture on how to evaluate a postfix expression and just watch the animation to get an idea.

2006-09-19T01:06:00.000+08:00

Argh! I was just looking at my tagboard then when i saw the chari* i thought of C++ coding. Declaring a pointer to a data type chari.. argh!!! I'm crazy already. I had so much time taken up by misc stuff I had to finish up.

My lab sits undone because I'm too tired and I have a 2 hour break tommorrow where i will try to finish it up and hand in. CS1102 Lab looks easy too but time consuming. I shall force myself to spend some time reading today though.

Goodnight all!

2006-09-13T22:40:00.001+08:00

I was just musing on the reasons for arguments between people.

2 causes:

Cannot verify/agree on facts and
Pride - refusing to admit being wrong

Whats an argument for? at least for me its mostly been a way to find the honest truth and to present all facets of a proposition whether I'm right or not.

Things I depise in arguments:

Lying to get an upperhand (because then facts would not be facts)
Refusing to listen to blatently obvious and simple reason

I really believe most people are capable of stepping back and reflecting on themselves but they refuse to. Also, most of the time both parties have something to learn from each other and they never realise until they look back on hindsight. By that time they've already hurt each other and hopefully its not irrepairable.

Lastly, The Book gets the final say on the matter:

Jeremiah 17:9 (New King James Version)
9 “ The heart is deceitful above all things,
And desperately wicked;
Who can know it?

We're never able to look at yourself objectively, so don't kid ourselves.

2006-09-12T13:42:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling sick now, so tired I missed another lecture this morning. Breath is hot and nose is runny, later go buy some vitamin C..

Went KL over the weekend and did lotsa shopping. We visited 4 Factory outlet stores, 1 reject shop and 2 other shops like it.. I bought i think 6 T shirts, one pants and one bermudas. Each T-shirt was only about $10-$15 each and they were pretty decent so I got them. About $90 spent in the end. My CS1102C Lab is slightly easiser this time. Going to spend some time to finish it later and start on my EE2005 homework. Its getting pretty crazy in school now with all the work piling up one chapter at a time. I have yet to book my IPPT but the site wasn't working the last time. Argh... so mafan.

2006-09-07T01:40:00.000+08:00

Okay, I shall throw in the towel.

Final score
YH - one : CS1102C - ninetrillionsixtythreebillion threehundredmillionsevenhundredandtwentyninethousandeighthundrenfiftyone.

I'm not making this up at all! I don't even think i'll graduate already. I'm so dead this sem. I just feel I'm going to get my first fail in something. Its 1:39am and ZG has been sleeping for quite a while already. I've been programming since 7pm but I haven't completed anything near whats supposed to be done. It just so compliated and incomprehensible... oh dear. I'm a normal human, how is this supposed to be possible for normal human meeeeeeee.....

Went out with ZG and shaun to tecman. Bought 2 books for myself - I really want to finish them. I'll read them while in KL this weekend. Argh! Off to bed already. If i can't complete it, it is no point to do it halfway. Will only mess up my concentration tomorrow. I've got driving in the afternoon somemore! better sleep more to be safe.

2006-09-05T19:55:00.000+08:00

In hall
Lotsa work
ZG went out
Quiet quiet
Tomolo going out buy presents
today guai guai do work

2006-09-05T00:51:00.000+08:00

Haha.. sister is married already! No time to blog. So many stuffs to do.

2006-08-31T23:56:00.000+08:00

I'm in hall alone today. Its pretty peaceful and quiet. Cooled down from my run and going to shower soon.

Went to comex 2006, FINALLY got myself a laptop. I was just thinking al l these things come so easy for me. Will I ever be able to work hard enough to provide my children with not just everything they need almost everything they want too? Thanks Dad, although you'll probably never ever read this. I'll tell you that when i get home. Although it might seem like these thoughts come when I notice how my father provides for me, I don't think its a bad thing to remember to thank them only now because its really better than not thanking them at all. I believe most parents would like their children to depend on them and to run to them with their needs and troubles.

Anyway, I think I haven't really become numb to the thought of Candy. The memory of it still disturbs me some. I guess I'll move on from here. I really hope Rocher doesn't live till such an old age that she has to be put down. I don't think anyone can ever get used to it. I was thinking how all dog owners and owners-to-be should contemplate carefully if they really want to have a dog.

To be there for it at its first breath, to be there for it during its entire life and to be there for it at its very final moments.

I won't ever get a dog in future. Ever. I'm just not ready to see it go.

2006-08-30T00:14:00.000+08:00

Boys Don't Cry

Today started out as a routine day, EE2006 lecture at 0800hrs, CS1102 at 1200hrs and a wedding rehearsal at 1900hrs. My sister was supposed to pick me up at 2pm and then go off to sell our old electronics at Cash Converter.

sms @ 1237hrs - kcc
"I pick u n u go with me to vet with candy first. then we settle other things at cash converter later ok?"

On reading this, I knew it was the end of the road for our dear old dog candy.

A yapping, hyper excitable thing when young, we would bring her for walks at my home in tampines. I remember the first walk we took. I was prmary 2 and I came home to this suprise. My mom said somebody gave her to us and I can' remember if we named her or if she was already called candy. Anyway, when my sister came home we all went down to the playground to walk her. On the red leash, she started jumping up at everything around her as we left the house. My mom said that she was just too excited at the new surroundings. That was just the first of many walks she went on.

I remember how she would refuse to walk through mimosa.
I remember how she would run away from us when off her leash, so difficult to catch.
I remember how she hid at the dining table, running round and round so we could not catch her.
I remember how she would mercilessly lick people's faces when given the chance.
I remember how she would run on the smooth floor with no traction, a hillarious sigh, scampering around like a mad woman cos we were chasing her just to see her do that.

That was when she was young and full of energy.

Just 2 years later, she was mated with a butch at a pet shop and lolly came along. She was delivered by uncle patric. While pregnant, candy was slow and less active and after she gave birth to 4 puppies, 1 died almost immediately. the second one died 2 days later. The 2 surviving ones were lolly and noughat.

The puppies were so cute. They were like little sausage rolls on the floor, wiggling around blind and deaf bumping into walls and other household furniture. They made soft whining sounds and cries for milk from candy. They like to rest on giant cusions we had, ironically spoiled by them too because they we soild with urine. They were fed by Candy and grew to be the curious, bouncing lolly and the squinted Noughat.

I remember when Noghat got his head stuck in a white picket fence my dad built for them and we had to hammer it out. This white picket fence was originally yellow, repainted once at our street eleven home. It had a swinging door in the centre with a latch. I still can see it so clearly in my mind.

My aunt was given the boy soon after and he has lived with her ever since. We lived at street eleven for a couple more years. So many birthday pictures with the two dogs. The black face she once had, a pretty diamond shaped patch of black fur on her forehead. Lolly bcame mine in a sense but i didn't take care of her as much as I should have. My sister did most of the cleaning up and sometimes I did it too when there was nobody else around. But all that is a different story.

Candy mellowed down when she was operated on during her mid life to sterilise her. I remember the car ride home, happy that she was back with us. She was enjoying the wind in her face and stood up in her box. This SBR8443J, my moms old car with so many memories locked away inside it. That too is another whole story.

It was a quiet and sad life living in the back of our condo at Azalea Park. We were mostly out at school, only letting them into the garden when we came back. I sort of regret treating them like this. perhaps if we trained them better they would have been let into the house. Nothing really much happend here. Candy grew older, face greying, mood mellowing, all behind my back while I grew up. I'm so sad I never really played with her more.

After 4 years there, in 2002 we moved into our current house at Riverina View. My dogs would finally have the whole area outside to wander about and relax in the sun. My grandparents moved in, we got a new dog Rocher and they didn't really get along. Rocher would bully candy when they bumped into each other. Barking and snapping. Lolly would make a feeble attempt at defending her by barking as fiercely as she could. After lolly died, there was nobody to stand up for her, only us when we happened to see it.

Meanwhile, Candy got older and older, weaker and weaker, whiter and whiter. This must have happened while I was away at NS. Because I don't remember Candy getting old. One day I just realised how old she was. Wandering in circles outside her kennel every day, going blind in one eye, then both. Deaf before we knew it. Her food was too hard so we soaked it in hot water to soften it daily. When her appetite waned we added bacon bits. Meanwhile she just wandered in circles daily, taking extended naps. I would come home from school and peep at her just to see if she was breathing. Each time she still was. Relieved, I would go upstairs and carry on with my life. Soon she was soilinig herself in her kennel, unable to get up. Yelping for help. Some days she was so stiff she wouldn't move the whole day. We would sometimes talk about putting her to sleep but it never really materialised because the next day she woiuld be fine, doing her rounds again till the sun went down.

Today was one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life. Seeing a dog euthanized is so traumatic, disturbing and just troubling. Although the vet says "theres no more suffering". I know there certainly is - its in my heart. It still hurts after 9 hours. It'll probably go away but not so soon I guess. I don't want to move on too quickly. I feel my dog deserves abit more rememberance. Without an immortal soul, they have so much personality, feelings and thought. I wish other people were as simple. Although so disturbed, I'm glad I was there at her final moments. I'm just speechless already. Its just a big hole I'm feeling now.

I'm feeling a great sense of loss but I'm sure the void is so tiny compared to my sister's.

Here's to the memory of Candy, a moment of silence please.

-I've got nothing more to say, boys do cry

2006-08-18T23:41:00.001+08:00

Ran 2.4km in a super slow timing of 12:05 haha.. But at least its a pass. I feel like run very fast already. I'm so unfit.

Anyway was just doing up this guy during my short afternoon for a while., I've been working on it so slowly that its my 5th month and i've only primed 60% of it grey. Going to move to hostel soon next week. I plan to study harder. Sigh, engineering really leaves no time for anything! I feel like if i spend time doing anything else I have not enough time for all my tutorials and lecture note revision! My modules are really quite difficult compared to last semester and the lecturers seem a little less enlightening compared to last year. I sense a difficult year and lotsa time in the library ahead.

2006-08-09T13:36:00.000+08:00

A very studious Claire

2006-08-07T18:30:00.000+08:00

10km in 1hr and 3 min. My knees feel like they've gone another 100km. I beginning to feel how heavy i am. My weight went down to like.. 86 again. haha.. run run run run run.. marathon here i come!

2006-07-27T00:54:00.000+08:00

I have like.. a few thousand dollars of jewelry on my table. Taking photos for a friend. I've never seen such big transparent rocks in my life!

Anyway, been thinking these couple of days about service and areas of ministry, gifts, and what we do as a church. Having a site, hosting seminars, conferences. The youth ministry especially. I'm wondering if what i'm doing is not what i do best. Or is it just because i don't really like it as much? I think its great when you like what you do when you serve. Just that sometimes the line between liking it and service for God becomes blurred and you forget why you are doing it and you carry on doing it because you just like what you're doing. At that point, what you "do for God" will simply burn in the end. Worthless hay and stubble.That so super scary. Your service and whole life's work being worthless!! Its like working at macdonalds and after a whole day of hardwork you found out you actually are at KFC and are not on the payroll. Okay, lame. But you get it and its horrible la.

I was also thinking about recovering from sin and hasty words actions and thoughts. When I sin, i feel like i have to get it right and even beyond that, i have to lead a clean life for a while before i feel worthy to be in God's presence again. I guess there are readers thinking the same of have felt that way before? Its so difficult! you feel like you're reading a dead book. You don't feel forgiven. You wonder if God already saw you falling again in the near future or you know you're going to do it again sooner or later. Compromise, behave badly, let your moody indulgences take over. Sometimes the Grace and Consequence of sin overlap and confuse me. I know I'm forgiven before i sin, but what Faith do i have without works to show it? Man...

Anyhow, driving was great today. Seem to be able to make the car moove smoothly at will. Of course.. The first U-turn i did after not driving so long was terrible. haha.. I totally overshot and then didnt turn back the steering wheel early enough also. The subsequent ones were fine though. Today's instructor was nice. He was just quiet, not gan cheong(esp when i was driving dangerously.. at least maybe i think passengers would feeel that way) and let me do my thing. even mistakes and all. Then after that just say abit. Monday's my driving lesson and final theory test. I'm a half hearted driver... =\ drive so no need ppl to pick me here and there. I'm not even interested really. Can just take bus and taxi for the rest of my life. I'd really much rather a bike also but thats a big no no for my family. sian la.

2006-07-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

See what my computing friend said about my CS1102c module

Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
*** YOU"RE TAKING CS1102???
Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
YOU ARE SO *******
Mucca Viola says:
thanks
Mucca Viola says:
i needed some reassurance
Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
hey i'm from the school of computing so i've seen worse
Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
BUT YOU"RE STILL *******
Mucca Viola says:
but seriously, how is it ah...
Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
i did labs until i was tearing
Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
have you seen me cry? Do I cry as easily as chris?
Mucca Viola says:
=<
Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
after like 2 full days seated at the same spot doing lab, I disintegrated into a sniffling mess.
Mucca Viola says:
and i'm doing 3 other ee modules
Mucca Viola says:
wah lau
Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
that's how bad it is
Mucca Viola says:
for this module???
Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
it ****** your mood. You have mood swings. It's like PMS but worse
Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
after the module you will have no more girlfriend/boyfriend
Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
yes. CS1102.
Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
but i heard it's changed from when i took it though
Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
oh btw, cs1102 was also the period of time when i picked up a faculty transfer form from the office, filled it up and was ready to hand it in
Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
so yea that's CS1102. It's legendary
Mucca Viola says:
okay
Mucca Viola says:
great!
Mucca Viola says:
at least i can brace myself now
Jiahui wants $300 so she can get a smaller wheel to kill herself with. says:
yea. tell the people most important to you that you're likely to be suffering from severe mood swings for the next 3 months. They'd appreciate the warning
Mucca Viola says:
yeahyeah
Mucca Viola says:
haha

Great! I feel so prepared for it now..

2006-07-12T16:54:00.000+08:00

I'm not a football fan but I still find it really funny.

2006-07-07T23:51:00.000+08:00

I was just listening to "to the praise of his glorious grace" from "A quiet heart" and realise the Violin interlude starting at 2:10 sound so anime-soundtrack-ish and super sentimental. Of course, I would have to listen to alot of anime soundtracks to know that but putting that aside because it is SO in the past, man.. It sounds so celtic also with the penny whistle and all with the grace notes here and there. Still got a guitar to accompany to complete the usual celtic arrangement. Oh well.

I like "make my life an alleluia" though and "in my weakness" too although the latter is abit overboard with the syncopation, its something i need to know. To pray for less of my strength and for more of God's strength.

2006-07-07T21:54:00.000+08:00

I was just reading "we would see Jesus" and in it was something like this.

Alot of times we focus on serving God instead of seeing him in his holiness and recognizing we are unable to serve him. New methods, better ways to bring in the masses, getting higher up to influence people, gathering more "proof" for our Gods existence. While these look noble, they must never overshadow the need to be holy and know God personally. It sometimes is seen as selfish to devote more timje to personal growth instead of serving others but how many of us serve without looking at our spiritual condition? Whats the point of giving the sacrifice of service without the very basic fundamental obedience to his commandments?

Another thing was how grace is not some magic power bestowed on us when we ask, it is an attribute of God, and it only is when we do not add works to it. With our own work, grace ceases to be grace. I think i have to read the first 20 pages again. I forgot most of it already. I wonder when i'l be able to give it away. haha..

2006-07-06T11:28:00.000+08:00

Trust Him

Trust Him when your soul is burdened
with the weight of all its sin.
He will speak the words of pardon,
He will make you clean within.
Trust Him when dark doubts assail you.
Trust Him when your strength is small.
Trust Him, when to simply trust Him seems the hardest thing of all.
Trust in God.

Trust Him for the ''grace sufficient''
ever equal to your need;
Trust Him always for the answer,
when in Jesus' name you plead.
Trust Him when your cares are many.
Trust Him when your friends are few.
And the time of much temptation is the time to trust Him too.
Trust in God.

Trust Him! He is ever faithful!
Trust Him for His will is best!
Trust Him for the heart of Jesus is the only place of rest
Trust Him through the cloud or sunshine,
all your cares upon Him cast;
Till the storm of life is over,
and the trusting days are past.

Put your trust in God.

Well, i think i'm the dunno how-many-eth person to put it up for a different reason. Anyway I'm halfway arranging it for the wedding. I've listened to it so many times already.

Anyway this is my 190th post! In 3 years. I feel like that "footprints" person. Its so nice to look back at your life and see God working in each phase of struggle. Well I'm off to meet Ying Chiang. Haha.. been so long since I've seen her.

2006-07-03T00:17:00.000+08:00

John 14

27 Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

I know some of you will come around here and read this so i'll just say: The atmosphere was so thick during discussion that i can feel the words and thoughts suffocating me. It felt like my brain was being compressed and kneaded like dough with every observation and new point brought up. A discussion i felt had occured roughly 9894 times also came up again. It got to a point where i felt very irritated and fed up already with the atmosphere and place. Not knowing why i feel like this, i cannot really explain myself when i do not want to show up or when i want to leave early. I dont like being coerced into going as if that is the only place on earth i should have been and made to feel like nothing else in my life is more important than spending 3 whole days there. I AM free. I AM zhuo bo. What can anyone do about it? I'm not disputing the value of going there or the decision to call for it. I've got nothing better to do (in some of your gracious opinions) and i'm not making excuses nor do i need one. I just want to be somewhere else(ie. anywhere). Thanks for understanding.

Away from that, i feel like i've been re-making friends recently. Learning to be friendly and taking the effort to know another person for no particular reason is very difficult. For a mind like mine, i cannot understand or quantify relationships into a meaningful set of behaviours and actions toward each other. It just seems to happen to others more than me. Obviously it can only be something on my side but i cannot figure it out. Maybe if i don't think it'll just come by itself.

I'm feeling very troubled these few days for no particular reason at all. And because of that I feel that I've been quite compliant and non-agressive. An overcompensation for anything i'm feeling. Wah, i've not felt this kinda dark feeling for very long. Its just a weight, a burden like that. Just that theres no reason which makes it even harder to bear. Not even knowing whats bothering me. This feeeling doesn't grow on me, its eating me. I've got to go wash up. I need peace in my heart. I don't know whats going on. Its just a burst of melencholy. Remember me when you pray okay?

2006-06-29T22:42:00.000+08:00

I've started driving for quite a while already. 3 days of 2 lessons each back to back. Its pretty good. So far i've had very good instructors - praise God. Every morning i appear there with dread in my heart and pray quietly while i wait for the time to reach. Even though I'm a decent driver and I''m fine with the long (3.5hr) 2 lessons packed together. I'm still finding myself sian to learn. I can't figure out why just yet. I've finished quite a whole lot of lesons and I've currently no lessons booked now. Driving is not fun. Its not stressful, its not not hard, its not easy. Haha.. i just have no feeling about it. Its nothing la. I wish i could just buy my liscense and figure it out. Maybe its the test at the end that freaks me out. I don't like being tested. And worse, I don't like to fail. Maybe I just don't like to fail and thats why I'm so apprehensive each time I'm there.

Mnaged to do quite abit of music. Still slow in my opinion but better already. Got slowed down talking to van over msn! haha.. oh well, she going already la so nvm. Its so much easier and weirder to talk instead of chating and type type type. Call me on msn, dear reader, when you're free? haha..

2006-06-17T03:20:00.000+08:00

Well, its been a really long time since i've updated. I've been real busy. Busy with life, busy with website, busy with models. Sleep is one thing i'm doing abit more recently too. June camp was great, but i felt it was very slack. Not much discussion, just a time of rest.

As for school, I've didn't get into mechanical engineering, i made it into computer engineering. I really don't know if I shld just accept it or not. Its not all bad, just wondering what i will really do wth it in future. I didn't get my business minor application through too, so I guess i'm not going to be doing that too. Oh well.. his ways are higher and better as someone said in june camp.

I'm still very much working on the church site even as i type. Its difficult enough as it is and beyond all this, i just don't want to offer this up as a sacrifice unaccepted by him. "to obey is better than sacrifice" samuel said to saul. So I've considered somewhat before i started doing and as i'm doing it up. It feels like building a temple for God. David wanted to build a temple for God but was met with a "who told you that i want a temple? have i asked for one?" in like manner, I've been wondering about some stuff too. Anyway, i'm off! the gallery thing seems to have finished uplaoding. I'm off to climb mountain in the morning! => Sigh. I miss yx. So quiet. I wonder how ben feels but maybe its just not the same cos sorta like get used to it already.

2006-05-28T23:21:00.000+08:00

A word a day for 30 days: Renewal

2006-05-27T23:14:00.000+08:00

Name : KWAN YANN HOWE
Matric No : U058802B

2005/2006 Sem 2 Examination for ENGINEERING 1

Module Code	Module Title	Grade
CS1101C	PROGRAMMING METHODOLOGY (ENGINEERING ONLY)	B-
EG1108	ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING	C
MA1506	MATHEMATICS II	B-
PC1432	PHYSICS IIE	C+
SSB2212	SINGAPORE LEGAL SYSTEM: IMPLICATIONS FOR BUSINESS	B

CAP: 3

Well, there it is. No meaning in studying so hard.

2006-05-25T17:16:00.000+08:00

This is one cool site about discrimination. I like the way how it just makes you feel irked.

Saturday is coming soon and youth meeting is going to take up the wohle day. Its quite amazing how fast time flows when you're not noticing. I'm going to number my days more often now. Haven't got down to planning goals in life yet. haha.. it seems there are just SO MANY small things I need to get done. Just done with power point for june camp. I've yet to make it asthetically pleasing as its still in black and white. It was a real big job, i'm sure it could have been easier but i just don't know how.

Went to work twice for this company that sells educational toys and materials. Its hot and sweaty kinda work and also have to deal with swarming barbaric kids which just push and are so rude. There were a few nice one thankfully, but so few. I'm sorta turned off by the work but for now that'll do. I wanna see and feel how difficult it is to earn this money. Its an okay amount, but not quite often they call because tehy have quite a few sales teams.

That about sums it up for me the past week actually. See! my life so slack. I'm lovin it... I wish it would go on forever, but all good things come to an end. I feel like i shloud take out my books and read some calculus for next sem before i drown in the mecilless tide of tutorials and projects. Results are out in 3 days! Whooopee.. then see if i can take the minor in business.

Money money.. all this study to earn money to have a decent life. Sometimes you wonder why

2006-05-19T12:13:00.000+08:00

Its been about 3 weeks since I've come here. Been keeping myself busy with

www.thiscowispurple.com
www.bfcyouths.com future site
Catching up with people
Modelling
PPT Slides for June camp

I've been thinking about my goals and priorities in life now, from the short term (finish building bla bla model) to long term (things i must do before I die). I've also thought to classify them into different aspects of my life. Personal goals, spiritual goals, Work goals. Although we can say its pretty much the same thing and all is for the Lord, It helps to seperate for the purpose of building up specific things like

study

Raise cap to 3.6 (means i have to get a 4.1 next sem) by

Attending ALL lectures (this one hard la)

revising lectures after each one (not so hard)
Finishing tutorials 2 days in advance (Super ultra hard)

Hmmm.. so thats just a sample of my goals. Haha.. now i'm feeling its impossible already but I'm sure all can be tweaked.

I'm still enjoying my time. Sleeping late, going for runs (sometimes), staying up late. Even with all this freedom, i still must consciously make time to read and I realised its so hard when your mind is cluttered with more and more unimportant thoughts.

Sen-ra-to-men-sa is coming up! I must go scheme and plot to make difficult clues! see y'all later.

2006-04-26T02:10:00.000+08:00

Well, as they say, for every mountain got another mountain thats higher right? In my case it for every grave got another grave deeper. I mean, it so totally clear. I'm not smart enough to pull through the next 3 years.

"you can do it"
"no problem one la"
"so many ppl can graduate, you also can one la"
"As long as work hard can sure can one"

Whats all that supposed to mean? I'm not being pessimistic here, i just won't do well even if i do pull through. I've never had to study so hard in my life! and that doesn't even seem to be enough. Well, i do have time i could use to study, but what would the rest of my life be without those times to bring me back to my lucid self? I don't want to be a mugger! I DON'T EVEN THINK I COULD BECOME ONE IF I WANTED. Its all too depressing. Hope is lost, forsaken and snubbed out as of today. I'm half good at everything, and not great at anything. When the rubber meets the road, YH gets pwned.

2006-04-24T13:41:00.000+08:00

Am i right to say Ms Chia has been sneaking by? say hello lah...

2006-04-24T02:57:00.000+08:00

This is super weird, I feel my whole body and field of vision bobbing up and down. I think i'm going mad.

2006-04-24T01:18:00.000+08:00

Jurassic fart

2006-04-22T00:23:00.000+08:00

Prediction for phy: B-
Actual: tba

2006-04-20T04:52:00.000+08:00

Now that i think of it, when i graduate i think i'll be very VERY worried. One of my friends just finishing her studies this year. I think its so scary. To be in the real world, working, earning money. More responsibilities. Oh well...

2006-04-17T23:39:00.000+08:00

Note to self: try not to start learning stuff when everyone else is revising it.

2006-04-14T21:39:00.000+08:00

Julie-O!!

Something i heard during the cello concert i went on wed.

2006-04-14T19:16:00.000+08:00

Been trying to study. Its just so hard! I'm all out of steam! Anyway, it was a quiet normal service today in the morning. A really heavy lunch at tung lok and then home i came. After that i've been at this phy paper for hours. Its just so incredibly hard to APPLY physical principles and formula's you've learnt. Deravations and permutations of simple formulas which overlap one another through dfferent topics. Its not all easy.

2006-04-14T18:56:00.000+08:00

Good friday
My heart and mind are numb.

The past is in the past, the new has come. All things old are dead, all things are renewed!

Sometimes asking for forgiveness doesn't even feel enough. Its like a never ending cycle of hurt and healing, hurt and healing, hurt and healing. How much can a relationship with God take? Will he stay around forever... Don't we apologize to people we've hurt? Should the offender expect to be accepted? My heart and mind are numb. Why don't I care when i really should?

I hear the Savior say,
"Thy strength indeed is small,
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all."
Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Aye, I feel nothing.. nothing.. thats just bad.

2006-04-11T00:01:00.000+08:00

Sudoku solver in c programming! ha.. how in the world is someone supposed to be able to prgram this after learning for 3 months.

#include 


void readGrid(FILE *fp, int grid[9][9])
{
   int i, j;
   char ch;

   for (i = 0; i <>
   {
      for (j = 0; j <>
      {
         fscanf(fp, "%c", &ch);
         grid[i][j] = ch - '0';
      }
      fscanf(fp, "%c", &ch);
   }
}


void printGrid(int grid[9][9])
{
   int i, j;

   for (i = 0; i <>
   {
      for (j = 0; j <>
      {
         if (grid[i][j])
            printf("%i", grid[i][j]);
         else
            printf(".");
         if (j%3 == 2) printf(" ");
      }
      if (i%3 == 2)
         printf("\n");
      printf("\n");
   }
}


int possibleDigit(int grid[9][9], int x, int y, int digit)
{
   int i, j;

   for (j = 0; j <>
      if (grid[x][j] == digit)
         return 0;
            
   for (i = 0; i <>
      if (grid[i][y] == digit)
         return 0;
                       
   for (i = x/3*3; i <>
      for (j = y/3*3; j <>
         if (grid[i][j] == digit)
            return 0;
      
   return 1;
}


int solveSudoku(int grid[9][9])
{
   int i, j, k;

   for (i = 0; i <>
    for (j = 0; j <>
      if (!grid[i][j]) // if there is an empty cell at [i,j]
      {
         for (k = 1; k <>
            if (possibleDigit(grid,i,j,k))
            {
               // set the empty cell to its possible digits one-by-one
               grid[i][j] = k;  

               // call the next recursion to fill in the next empty cell
               // and return 1 if the puzzle is solved
               if (solveSudoku(grid))
                  return 1;
            } 

         // if all possibleDigits have been tried and failed, 
         // set empty cell back to 0 and return failure to the caller
         grid[i][j] = 0;
         return 0;      
      }

   // this is the base case where success is returned
   // when all empty cells have been filled 
   return 1;
}


int main()
{
   FILE *in;
   int grid[9][9] = {{0}};

   in = fopen("sudoku1.txt","r");
   if (in == NULL)
   {
      printf("Error reading file\n");
      return 1;
   }
   else
   {
      readGrid(in, grid);

      printf("START STATE\n");
      printf("-----------\n");
      printGrid(grid);

      solveSudoku(grid);

      printf("FINAL STATE\n");
      printf("-----------\n");
      printGrid(grid);

      fclose(in);
   }

   return 0;
}

Wah... i throw in the towel already.

2006-04-10T13:36:00.000+08:00

For all of those first generation nintendo players! Remember this?

I think it was my grandma who bought one for my cousins and us and we'd go to her house to play it whenever we were there. There were countless fights, spoilt cartridges, rented cartridges, and cleaning of cartridges cos of it. Haha... I even remember the first computer they had there too.. We played it till the monitor burned out!!! oh well. My grandma has since passed away long long time ago. Hmm.. yesterday went to my grandpa (paternal and maternal side), neighbour, the fan's grandma and my great grandpa's graves. Hmmm.. Sometimes i think thinking about it makes you feel sad. But if you just remember the funny happenings and the great things they did for you, i think its really cause to be happy just because they were in your life before.

Anyway, before i finish off here's some nintendo music! heh.. mario, tetris, zelda, mortal kombat... some others even i can't tell what they are.

2006-04-07T00:38:00.000+08:00

wah!!!! i'm being smashed by super alot of stress man...

I've reached the burnout stage before i'm even close to finishing the syllabus for this sem and new stuff is still coming in! one more week of sch, one week of study, then the torrent of exams will arrive. 3 months and then it'll happen again!

"The winners don't do different things, they do things differently" - Jason

Now i'm really wondering what i'm doing wrong all these years. I think i'm mildly hyperactive and i cannot sit still but i'm thinking that if i can sit still to watch a movie, play a game or even to programme, then there's something else that has to do with it. Argh! my goodness, my relaxed don't need to study so extremey hard also can scrape through mentality is crumbling with each sem. I'm feeling more and more woefully inadequate to breeze through uni with a cap of 3 and above.

Anyway on to more normal things, Eng Joo is enlisting this sat! going to tekong with him. Think the girls want to lunch with him tomolo.. and i'm going also. Afterwhich i will adjourn to an interesting birthday dinner i suppose? oh well.

2006-04-04T22:53:00.000+08:00

*inner monologue*

yh: "I've never studied so much in my life before!"

yh: "wait... i think you've said that before..."

yh: "Well, i think this tops it all, compared to my previous levels of study la!"

yh: "i've got this feeling you'll say this very soon again! like in 6 months time."

yh: "yeah, me too."

yh: "oh well, that makes one of us"

2006-04-02T21:07:00.000+08:00

I found these amusing.. haha..

From subtle,To corny,

To cool!

And i think this one's the best... the monkey looks pretty funny

2006-04-02T12:54:00.000+08:00

Stress la, just stress la... totally man.

2006-03-24T16:57:00.000+08:00

<4 weeks to exams... woo... i think its going to be over very very quickly. Its a hot day man! on air con and do work. Feel like sleeping, its a friday!! what to say? Where got mood to do work?

Anyway got myself a saw to cut straight. Also got a tube cutter.

Oh well, nothing much really happens around here! Can't wait for exams to be over! I feel like eating nice stuff. Some how eating makes you feel better! but looking fat doesn't. So i'm thinking how you look can possibly reflect what kind of mentality you have... or maybe you just don't even care how you look. Whatever the case, fat == high probability of dying young. Oh man! i typed a double "=" sign That means "equals" in programming... Sigh. I think its making me mad.

Anyway, here's some interesting stuff about base 16 math!

Its like sorta normal counting only that it goes up to 16 before the 'tens' value increases!! haha...

and for base 8 its, 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,20,21,22......

weird stuff right?

in this case, 6+5 in base 8 = 13,

46(base 8) +35(base 8) = 70(base 8) + 11(base ten)
= 70(base 8) + 13 (base 8) = 83(base 8) = 67(base ten)

so for base 16, we only have 10 digits? where do the next 6 come from? haha... it says to create your own. Convention is to use letters...
0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D,E,F,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,1A,1B,1C,1D,1E,1F,20,21,222,23......

Anyway, thats a funny way of counting which amused me for a while until i realised how difficult it would be to multiply and divide. Its like a whole new multiplication table! and divide, dun even need to say. Fractions worse.

8A(base 16) = 8(base 10) x 16(base 10) + 11(base 10) = 139(base 10)

Cool. haha.. oh well.. I've got t go back to doing math tutorials. I hope you enjoyed that! really blew my mind.

2006-03-21T02:27:00.000+08:00

Mulling over Miscellanea at Midnight

It has cometo my mind that not many people actally take me very seriously. Maybe its cos i never seem to stop joking, stop making smart ass remarks and stop suanning people. Well, one day i will.
.
.
.
.
just kidding!
.
.
.
.
or am i?

2006-03-14T22:05:00.000+08:00

Well, my friend William ORD LOH!! haha... yesterday at least. Can't help thinking of my own a year ago.

Yes, those are hand grenades we are so happily holding in our hands.

Here's my ord grenade procedures

"I, S8431337H, 3RD SERGEANT KWAN YANN HOWE, RIGHT MASTER HAND, NO SWEATY PALMS, REQUEST TO ENTER THE BAY SIR!!!"

"Ya la ya lah, carry on!"

*gets into grenade bay*

"Prepare grenade!"

*takes out grenade from pouch, like the 5 times before*

"and READY!"

"SAFETY PIN TWIST, SAFETY PIN PULL, SAFETY PIN OUT! GRENADE PREPARED AND READY TO THOW!!!"

"THROW!!!"

*slaps me on the back*

**Instead of "GRENADE!!!" its....

"ORDLOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

*grenade flies somewhat near the target...*

"ONETHOUSANDTWOTHOUSANDTHREETHOUSANDFOURTHOUSANDFIVETHOUSANDSIXTHOUSANDSEVENTHOU-"

BOOOOOOOM!

haha... and there concluded my last grenade throw in my life (hopefully)

ah... sweet memories...

2006-03-14T11:12:00.000+08:00

Well, here's something one of my long lost dear friend shared while in denmark for an exchange program:

This week, I am amazed by a very simple truth.

God is faithful even when we are faithless.

How many of you have stopped praying about something because it has been left unanswered?

I have stopped praying for so many things in my life, perhaps out of disappointment, or I've grown tired, or maybe because I've become faithless in those things. I think my heart is tired of breaking over and over again, so I left the pieces in a place that used to be my heart, and carried on with life. Careening through blindly, sometimes taking God's hand, but not letting Him come closer.
Then a few days ago, I felt this overwhelming surge of homesickness. Not homesickness for Singapore. (or London) It is a strange displaced feeling that I have carried through for as long as my memory could serve. I am homesick for my home where God's presence graces. I remembered my favourite Sonic Flood song "Better Is One Day" and was led to find Psalm 27 and Psalm 84. I didn't know whether anything was going to change. But I know I was reminded of our final rest stop in this journey through life.

And then yesterday, I came home to find an email from my Dad with some assurances and some updates from home. And in his postscript, he told me something that I am ashamed to say that I gave up praying for. After all these years, he started going back to Church!

Oh dear friends, God began taking the broken pieces of my heart and fitting them back together before I asked. He is faithful even when I am faithless.

I don't know if He would heal all my wounds all at once. I think there are some griefs that He will leave for a while more. But I am still so touched by His faithfulness. And like a child who fell off her bicycle whilst learning how to ride through life, crying in the gutter, thinking that no one will rescue her until her Father comes and picks her up so genlty you can almost hear Him sigh at her pain, and He looks at her and pokes her cheek to make her smile again - I try to ride through life again with a renewed hope to please my Father.

I don't know if I made much coherence because I have a habit of shooting off multiple tangents.

If you have lost faith in some things that you have been seeking God about, here's your sister to poke you (gently of course), and remind you that our Father is faithful even when we are faithless. And He will mend our broken hearts.

hmm.. so forthose of you who've stopped praying or long forgotten something, God's still faithful!

2006-03-09T19:20:00.000+08:00

RX-78-2 ver. One Year War

Well, I finished it finally! Hmmm... Oh well, going off to my bro's collegue's place again. Kinda feel detached from these things now, but still very interested to do up something for myself soon! Going to be too busy in a while. Right now i'm so behind actually, got many tutorials and stuff to make sense of. And right now on my to do list is tomolo's computing tutorial!! i still haven't done the silly roman numeral conversion program. wah sian man... Oh well.. kinda reminds me of the song Dr Mincy Shared in the pulpit about ppl who try to work off their debt..

"I owe, I owe, So off to work i go..." okay.. those who din watch snow white and the seven dwarfs would not understand that... anyway it reflects my sentiments now. So off to work i go... la la la

2006-03-07T23:56:00.000+08:00

Tell your friends, get the HTML HERE and paste it in your blog post!

as you can see.. i'm pretty much trying to practise my flash.. haha, its kinda fun. Oh well.

2006-03-07T01:16:00.000+08:00

Get the HTML HERE and do your part for the ERF!

2006-03-05T00:11:00.000+08:00

7 More weeks to exams!! =< i think i'm so dead.

2006-03-02T02:09:00.000+08:00

I'm tired! Can't run anymore... help me. Sigh. Its 2am and i feel completely busted. Life is mean when you don't have any reason to live it, i wonder how people exist without reason. Think about it: without an eternity, your life might as well terminate today. just now. Maybe, your life shld have terminated before it ever was one.

Thankfuly we originate from a loving God and from the dust our physical bodies came. Created within it was an undying soul! Come fathom this with me.. An infinite being, creating a infinitely lasting soul from nothing. But then again technically we are not infinite because our soul had a beginning when we were created. Unless of course, our souls existed somewhere else before this physical life. Then again, time is only a figment of our imagination, a prison which our physical bodies are trapped wthin, something only we realise and feel. God is not bothered by time, it really doesn't even exist for him! To create all this mattter we see around us is PEANUTS.

http://www.aip.org/history/einstein/emc1.htm

Thats a super layman's explaination but no need for difficult math. It plainly states Mass is equivalent to ALOT ALOT of energy. Think about how much energy is required to create you? or me perhaps. All 85kg of it.

E = Mc^2 wiki

You will see that one KG of matter equates to 89,875,517,873,681,764 joules

To create me from pure energy you need 89,875,517,873,681,764 x 85 joules of energy. Go on, give it a click! Only 7.63941902 × 10¹⁸ joules needed or 2.12206084 × 10¹¹ megawatthours

Okay, 427 nuclear plants in the world. Lets choose one called Arkansas Nuclear One which generates 14 700 726 Megawatthours in a year. ye ain't seeing wrong, thats BOTH reactors combined together.

In short, if you could conver energy into matter LOSS-LESS-LY you'd need 2.12206084/14700726*10000000000Years!!!!!!!

Roughly speaking, it'll take Arkansas Nuclear One 14 435.0751 years to turn all that energy into me. Don't worry there are about 427 of them in the world right? the most only take 33.8057965 years to generate near enough energy. Considering God made the entire EARTH and all the stuff on it in seven days, and lets say he did it slowly, not instantaneously zapping stuff into place (that would require infinite energy which i'm not saying he dun have), mass of earth without the stuff on it is very heavy like 5.9742 × 10²⁴ kg. 5.9742/85*33.8057965 x 10²⁴ years would be needed to make the earth with all the nuclear power plants in the world combined.

If God made that in seven days, it would mean he could generate
5.9742/85*33.8057965*10^24*2.12206084*100000000000*427*(365/7) Megawatts per hour.

Don't worry, its only 1.12261938 × 10⁴⁰ Megawatts per hour.

Meaning, quite a few more nuclear power plants are needed to produce the energy required to make an earth in seven days.. Namely, 7.63648938 × 10³² power plants.

So if God ere working at his limit in a perfectly efficient environment, he would be generating 7.63648938 × 10³² power plants worth of energy.

Okay, i think thats about it. cool right? Actually thats understated.. Its way beyond amazing. And we're just talking about the earth here.

2006-03-02T01:52:00.000+08:00

This is pretty funny

2006-03-02T00:10:00.000+08:00

The aircraft for Sentou Yousei Yukikaze are so good that i just can't help saying it again! haha.. oh well, I think its the leftover from going airgrading and a love for cool machines that don't exist..

Oh well, 'a' level results all out today. Looks like all the coffins are not going to waste as many feel that the results all cannot make it. Oh well, if it costs this much to learn a lesson, then thats good, cos its really at a reversible stage still.. don't wait until uni to feel like you don't know how to work hard then jialat. I always feel that maybe i've had it too easy from the start, being smart enough to ace my exams until i entered uni.

Here i realised work is the only thing that will get your grades out of the water. Erasing any semblance of recreational life is whats going to get them into the air.

Kinda stinks that some people are STILL smart enough to ace uni exams wthout too much work.. but thats another story. For me its just like this. Nvm.. after april i'll be FREE! and ready to catch up on everything i left behind these 4 months.

2006-03-01T13:19:00.000+08:00

BANDAI 1/100 Mave Yukikaze

BANDAI 1/100 Super Sylph Yukikaze Ver 1.5

I think the mave is one of the most unique designs for a plane, really cool stuff!

Okay... so, anyone got spare $70?

edit: okay.. nvm about the $70 haha

2006-02-27T21:52:00.000+08:00

The man who observes his natural face in the mirror...

...and forgets what he looks like after.

2006-02-26T17:32:00.000+08:00

Concert day! blah.. missed the first movement...

Rocher lounging around outside...

2006-02-25T16:16:00.000+08:00

Okay, i was over complaining... its not so bad la. Timing for meetings don't change however, it just shifted to an hour earlier... Oh well, better than going so late right? So its now 9am on sat. so i have to wake at 7 and then take mrt at 730!
Just had youth meeting! Everyone's downstairs playing captain's ball and i'm up here converting the negative demonstration CD for choir! at least i was just now. Haha... Oh well. Helping cheryl do math... haha... i think i'll make a good math tutor! haha

2006-02-23T00:19:00.000+08:00

You know the feeling when you've got nothing to do and everything is very quiet and you need to sleep but don't feel like sleeping even after quite an early and long day and even knowing that you have to get up early to do stuff still dowan to rest? Oh well. I'm contemplating the next week maybe. My conscious mind is a blank, surfing surfing and endless sea of info.. bits and bytes, text, pictures. I wonder what causes you to feel like this. Its not really depression, its just blank.

Saturday I have to meet up with siao on project group members!!! kns!! they really know how to choose bad day la! rahhh... now my sat 3 hours spent travelling, 2 hours meet up. I CAN'T DO SQUAT LIKE THIS! Foriegners who have no life and live on campus assuming everyone else has no life. no family, nothing better to do than to meet up on such a day. Sent out email to change day, but nobody will do it on a weekday night! RAH!! WHATS THE DIFF LA!~!~! YOU LIVE ON CAMPUS ANYWAY!! Poor me live in pasir ris and my friend who lives in serangoon have to accomodate.

crap..

2006-02-15T01:30:00.000+08:00

Its been a quiet week, been thinking about friendships and all. Such a sticky thing, yet such a joy, important to have. In essence, BGRs are just a subset of friendships. Yet it has so many special cases and boundaries. Okay, i've just been doing lotsa math so everything is sorta manifesting in me mind in a graphical kinda way.

Let me have a good friend count. The kind i don't see for ages and talk as if we've not missed a day apart in our lives.

Guy friends - 3 - 2christians, 1 non-christian.
Gal friends - 5 - 4 christians, 1 non-christian.

Hmm. So much more than enough. I wonder how they all are doing? Been so super blessed by all of them. 2 of them are still burdens on my heart among others of course, but its just nice to know that somehow along my life they've stuck their hand in and changed it.

Well, there are less guys than girls but hey, guys are terrible at forming relationships between each other. Probably for the silly social mould that guys are standalone or big group creatures, simple, fun ppl. That said, it don't apply to all of course. Some abnormalities actually do go about making and keeping meaningful friendships BEYOND the stupid interactions like studies, army, work, latest tech, babes and such. Somehow i feel its always girls that do change guys, or else they seek acceptance from the alpha male group kinda thing, even making themselves fools if it gets them into the crowd. When a guy likes to talks to girls, its either he's being a player or he's trying to escape from the stupid male thing he cannot integrate himself into. I liked to talk to gals cos its liberating being able to actually talk about things that matter or things that need a more mature look at. That was when i was younger in sec sch when my equals played soccer and catching and never really openly pondered the meaning of life stuff. In army, true friendship was hard to come by but came very surely. You change camps so much so that you don't build friendships but most times in adversity and trouble, these are forged in an instant. When guys go army, most grow up and think about stuff that matters, more along the money aspect. The girls are still nice to communicate with but looking back i think it was more like an emotional need they fufilled. Okay.. this is not as wrong as it sounds. Most guys on going army, keep a few girl contacts because thats their outlet and emotional support. Of course its bad cos if they don't mean to forge any lasting relationship, it really could get the girl's insides all messed up with wrong signals. In there girls and guys friendship boundaries became more and more well defined.

My opinion is that guy\girl friendships cannot exist on an emotional level without a catastrohic disaster. Weakness on both side are sure to exist. Crossing of physical boundaries, third parties in relationships, hurt feelings, complete yi-dao-liang-duan kinda splits btw them, people leaving church. Those are just some of the things i've seen happen personally. What would constitute emotionally involved you say? Extended phonecalls, extensive problem-sharing, talking, teasing each other, sharing about problems in relationships especially. Those are just some symptoms.

Well, don't scream murder yet, i'm not really done. I think friendships can exist, but the level of involvement is limited i'd say. I guess sometimes guys just behave like dumb guys because its an in-build feature to prevent wrong signals. Well, bible got say how to treat opposite gender.

1 Timothy 5
Treatment of Church Members
1 Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity.

If a guy was a brother, you wouldn't stumble him with your words, clothing, flirting. If a gal were your sister, you wouldn't stumble her by getting too emotionally involved, teasing and leading her on without having any commitment to her officially.

Well, contention here about whether plutonic friends can exist is because of the definition of "friendship" Whats too close? what do you mean by problem sharing? what do you mean by emotionlally involved? Sorry dudes, you can't even be honest with yourself on this one. open your life to someone else GODLY AND OF THE SAME GENDER! and let him slam you silly about the stupid things you are doing. Also let the holy spirit grant you sensitivity to your own actions and always ponder the implications of your behaviour!

Consequences are so sad but it happens. Refusal to believe the prior experience of many older people.

That brings me to: Guys mentoring guys (sorry, no idea how girls do it)

Guys mentoring guys are so seriously lacking but do they really need mentoring as the usual model of mentoring is? or is it more like showing a final product and expecting the mentee to find the way themselves? Do they need prodding to the point of harassment? don't really know. Do they need rebuke? IMHO (in my honest opinion) Yes, cos its biblical. Do you need to control or let them develop theselves? Again IMHO, they are not imitating the mentor, they are imitating CHRIST! Its not just "follow me" its "follow me as i follow christ"

I can step back and look at my own life. Godly men who have really made an impact, only to realize for myself they are just mere men i was so awed by. They fell short in time. All of them. Not being cynical here, just saying the only available dependable source for a model mentor is God. Think in our council and our talking with others, its so important to seperate opinion from bible fact. When the bible is silent, we have to provide opinion based on what the rest of the bible says.

Its such a big thing. bible says

Proverbs 27
17 As iron sharpens iron,
So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

It has its place, it has its time. No man is an island.

Okay.. i think i've spent too much time. Got a test on thursday, and friday, and saturday. Feel free to express your thoughts in the comments by clicking on the big ZERO! if not just use the tagboard.

2006-02-09T23:44:00.000+08:00

Hmp, i feel slightly acomplished at my half done programming tutorial! been feeling overwhelmed these days, so much so i feel like i cannot continue with the "extra" stuff in church. I think i'll stick to sundays, youth meetings and prayer meetings... no more no less. Actually thats more or less it la.. haha.. anyway, Its really a struggle to keep up with work and i feel like i'm drowning everyday. I keep thinking i will do my quiet time later/tommorow morn/night. It sorta just doesn't work out in the end. I think i've relegated it to 2nd last priority for 2 or 3 days now. I don't have time to do anything OTHER than study and tutorials.

Here's a list of my past recreation:

1) Anime (uh.. too many already..)
2) Stargate atlantis, Stargate SG1 (can you imagine i've watched this for 9 years??)
3) Building model kits (which has taken a backseat nowadays)

I think i'll say goodbye to these for quite a while now.

On to other intriguing things I have noticed recently:

Since we accept Christ in our lives, thats a pretty permanent thing (john 3:16). So... what really goes on when someone wants to jump ship and abandon his faith? Haha.. you can come ask me what i think if you want to strike up a conversation. But how i'd sum it up is:

You'll never get away

Like a shadow on a sunny day, your identity as a true christian can never be shaken off. Its depressing, hopeless and just totally sian to try to go back doing what you've been saved from. If you're true to yourself, you will have to admit you need to turn back. Oh well.. If you think you're alone and nobody thought whatever you thought before you thought it, then welcome to the club. Sign in like the many many before you. Friends, get back in fellowship, running away is a self-destructive cycle, a mechanism designed to loop and never allow you to come back.

2006-02-09T22:17:00.000+08:00

Don't you just love programming! Some simple code and the output.. sigh..

1 #include
2 #include
3
4 int main (void)
5 {
6 double c1actual=11.5, c1max=16, c1p=5, c1raw,
7 c2actual= 7.0, c2max=10, c2p=10, c2raw,
8 c3actual=19.0, c3max=25, c3p=20, c3raw,
9 c4actual=43.0, c4max=100, c4p=25, c4raw,
10 exactual=55.5, exmax=100, exp=40, exraw,
11 sum;
12
13 /*main calculating program************************/
14
15 c1raw = c1actual/c1max*c1p;
16 c2raw = c2actual/c2max*c2p;
17 c3raw = c3actual/c3max*c3p;
18 c4raw = c4actual/c4max*c4p;
19 exraw = exactual/exmax*exp;
20 sum = c1raw + c2raw + c3raw + c4raw + exraw;
21
22 /*Print Statements!!!****************/
23
24 printf(" Act : Max : Per : Raw \n");
25 printf("CA 1 : %3.1f : %3.0f : %2.0f : %4.2f \n", c1actual, c1max, c1p, c1raw)
;
26 printf("CA 2 : %4.1f : %3.0f : %2.0f : %4.2f \n", c2actual, c2max, c2p, c2raw)
;
27 printf("CA 3 : %3.1f : %3.0f : %2.0f : %4.2f \n", c3actual, c3max, c3p, c3raw)
;
28 printf("CA 4 : %3.1f : %3.0f : %2.0f : %4.2f \n", c4actual, c4max, c4p, c4raw)
;
29 printf("Exam : %3.1f : %3.0f : %2.0f : %4.2f \n\n", exactual, exmax, exp, exra
w);
30
31 printf("Nemo's total raw mark is %4.2f. \n", sum);
32
33 return 0;
34 }
35
36
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
q6.c [+] 26,17 All
"q6.c" 36L, 1124C written
u0508802@sunfire [23:36:22] ~ $ gcc q6.c -Wall -lm -o q6
u0508802@sunfire [23:36:23] ~ $ q6
Act : Max : Per : Raw
CA 1 : 11.5 : 16 : 5 : 3.59
CA 2 : 7.0 : 10 : 10 : 7.00
CA 3 : 19.0 : 25 : 20 : 15.20
CA 4 : 43.0 : 100 : 25 : 10.75
Exam : 55.5 : 100 : 40 : 22.20

Nemo's total raw mark is 58.74.
u0508802@sunfire [23:36:27] ~ $

2006-02-05T00:41:00.000+08:00

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

I somehow have this horrible feeling that alot of you out there are absorbed in your own struggles and thoughts. Feeling depressed, lonely and fed up.

Well, nobody's alone in all this.

I think for every sentence of angst that is published in a blog, much festering goes on in the mind.

To the young dudes and dudettes from BFC:

Fill your hearts and minds with the word of God, spirital songs and good company.

2006-01-27T00:16:00.000+08:00

2006-01-15T01:10:00.000+08:00

I had trouble putting back all the white armour. And was left pondering

together with the gundam as to where the two small parts went. Poring

through the manual and looking at the pictures didn't help at all. But

that was eventually resolved!

2006-01-15T00:52:00.000+08:00

Oh well, I guess it couldn't get much worse already, yesterday it got

much better as i stumbled upon drybrushing. Basically dipping brush in

paint, dabbing it on tissue until there's very little then lightly

making passes over the parts. Usually dark colours have their details

accented by having silver paint on the edges and detais sticking out.

Just like how panel lines are drawn in to make the illusion of shadows,

this one gives the illusion of the light reflecting on the exposed

surfaces. and edges. Check out the a-little-bit-bigger picture for

comparison. before and after dry brushing the Mr colour chrome on to

the part, not too bad right? I thought it would be difficult but its

pretty easy really, next thing i'll have to do for the model is to:

1) Finish dry brushing all the visible internals

2) Shade the edges and recesses of the white armour plates

3) Stick those disgusting bandai stickers onto the model.

Stickers are like a cheap substitute for waterslide decals and halfway

in between are those rub on dry transfers. Water slide decals are SUPER

thin and don't stick out on the surface. whereas the stupid stickers

are so thick and start to trap dust at the edges of the stickers. They

can't be coated over and they are easy to spoil. Too bad, there arn't

any waterslide decals for this model in SG, have to order from HK but

nvm lah, not that important.

Drybrushed... Underneath you can see the "programming methology in C" for my programming module

How

i dried all the parts on a rainy day. Put them in a box and blow hot

air inside. Paint dries and cures in half and hour to an hour.

I'm getting quite motivated since its finishing already.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA........ wanna faster finish it. Take so super

long to do, not my cup of tea.

More from the world of modeling!

2006-01-11T00:39:00.000+08:00

Its

been really slow in model world, some setbacks and disasters and REALLY

bad weather. It like raining 24/7 la! no chance to airbrush in good

weather. What difference does it make you ask? the humidity level when

it rains is super high. Accompanied by the fact that i'm already facing

ariver and live near the sea, its horrible. Firstly, water starts

condensing in the compressor cos as the air decompreses it cools and

condenses some water out. there's a moisture trap for that purpose but

it gets half full in about an hour which is reall quite ridiculous.

Water spits out of the airbrush along with the paint and marrs your

good paintjob. The weathers also too cool for paint to dry properly,

dust and stuff settles on your wet paint and then dries. Oh well...

This is where i work, at my bro's balcony. A high chair to sit on and

face the nice greenery as I paint. Trouble is parts dropping 3 stories

down into he beautiful greenery and gets lost forever. you can see the

contact lens solution bottle i use to put thinner. I took out the label

obviously, don't want anyone to start cleaning their lenses with that

stuff. Airbrush is on the lower left, and the storage box i put

everything in.

some parts done, There were SO MANY PARTS that i used a entire bottle

of "Midnight Blue" (strange that it doesn't look blue at all) to paint

it. oh well, there goes $2.40 i really think i might need some more.

The paint scratches easily, and the weather's too bad to spray the "mr

Super Clear" to protect it. Oh well, more on that later.

closer up pic of the stuff i work on.

nice legs, very trouble some to paint, have to move it here and there

to get all the spots. Plus moving parts sometimes scratch each other.

So far no extremely visible damage.

its a foot, looks quite decent if i would say. I have to recolour all

the silver piston like parts that i covered in "midnight blue" or maybe

just black.

First disaster, as you can see the shield is sorta glazed and has a

cloudy look. IT IS NOT ON PURPOSE. Stupid "Mr Super Clear" only works

in hot and dry weather. Itssupposed to be a matt flat coat of clear

stuff that protects the paint. Sprayed on, looks fine.. then as it

dried it started becoming cloudier and cloudier unti i got what you see

here... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......

Horrors!

Luckily i have this $20 aeromatherapy lamp from thailand! i basically

heated the shield over it and made it hot then sprayed on another coat

of MSC.. The frosty look went away luckily... and i was left with this.

So far my worst build ever! My worst disasters on one model kit! oh

well, maybe not the worst, my 144 strike was worse... but neverthless,

still very sian la. I was quite excited initially at the idea of making

a PG, but now i realise why people don't really choose this grade as

something to paint and modify or what. Its a real pain to paint! Now

i'm on to the white white portions. Those are REALLY a pain, cos you

don't even know whether you covered the part! then the only time you

know is when the pain starts to run or build up and get spoilt. oh

man... =< anyhow, its realy an experience, probably my last. Also.

these things are meant to be fix posed i guess...

more progress!

2006-01-03T00:48:00.000+08:00

Skewered all the parts with the help of my dear cousin Yao Hua in the

afternoon. Bsically putting masking tape on satay sticks and sticking

the parts on. The parts were large and required quite alot of spage...

they fell off during primng too cos the were heavy and din stick

properly.

These are un-primed parts. Basically, if you wanna get an even colour

and good adhesion to the plastic parts, you will need to prime your

parts.This means an undercoat of.. yes.. what else? primer of course.

its a white or grey coloured aint thats got little particles of size

you can choose. from very fine (1200) to slightly coarse (500). I tried

to use the cheaper bottled un-thinned one, but its impossible to use an

airbrush to apply cos even the finest grains get stuck in the airbrush

and kill it. I had such a horrible time cleaning it once cos particles

got stuck in the hole where the paint came out... anyway i use it in

the larger single action airbrush i have, that one's more robust and

has a larger hole which the paint passes through. Control of the air

and paint mixture is really lousy though. The primer here is canned

version because its MUCH more reliable, don't need cleaning, but its

roughly 2-3 dollars more. This model was so huge, i managed tofinish

priming the armour only before the can emptied. Internals remain

un-painted and un-paintable until i grab my single action to spray on

my leftover bottled primer. If not i'll have to get another can of

primer, but thats ridiculous. Will cost $10-$12. Will see how it goes

first.

So

when you're done priming, the parts will all look the same colour.

don't need to be too detailed, just a general coat will do. This primer

is whitish grey. I've painted the yellow parts before i realised i

forgot to take a picture. An the tinge or red you see is the insides of

the red parts you won't ever see anyway so no point wasting primer and

paint on it.

Closer pic of the painted parts. can't really tell from these pictures

the diff but its a nice matt even colour. Honestly the primer wasn't

the best job ever cos the plastic had either oil residue or dust i

didn't clean off and wash properly. Its probably due to the long

storage in plastic bags for about 2 months while i examed and got

involved with church stuff..Caused some uneven-ness but can't really

see it if you just look at it from normal distance. Close up is a diff

story though. I might get some brass coloured paint for the internals.

wheee... those are nice. have a bottle of chrome i bought quite a while

ago which i'm using for the giant sword. Itll have to take probably

about 15 more hours to finish everything. Total time spent skewering

and painting today is 5 hours which brings it to a total of 15hours

already.

GAT X105 Strike Perfect Grade

2005-11-26T03:02:00.000+08:00

Started on the Perfect Grade GAT X105 Strike Gundam
last night. Always wanted to do a progress thingy just for my friends and aquaintences to see what building a model kit is like. I must admit its time consuming and money consuming too but hey, who doesn't have vices like this?

So anyway, i managed to procure one of these at no cost to myself. Building and painting it for my brother's colleague. Kit is his, paint, thinner, primer and more or less whatever i need is sponsored while hardware like the airbrush, compressor, dremel tool, skewers(satay sticks), brain, hands and time is mine. Must say, I've never done a perfect grade or will ever be willing to spend the money on one because i'm more a fan of the smaller ones. This one's a 1/60 scale, i usually do 1/144 or 1/100 because they are smaller and are not as high quality and need more fixing, increasing the challenge of painting and making a crappy kit look good. I've been through only 5 kits, not much experience. Michael Fichtenmayer says it takes about 10 or so models before you really get something you are happy with, so far he's been right. Haha... but i'm getting close! That guy has great models, you should check them out.

Here's the rundown of what i did:

Doesn't look like much here but trust me, there are zillions of parts compared to the regular model.

Pretty feet it has. foot can bend in the middle because of numerous
joints and parts. Regular foot just doesn't do that. Improves the
poseability of the model by leaps and bounds.

The "skeleton" or internals of the calf and thigh, grey and having many
MANY parts, it moves really well. But sometimes too stiff because there
are just too many moving parts.

Okay, here they are connected together... the knee is really cool, must see it to know what i mean.

Groin and hips

If you've seen a strike before, you'll notice that the armour on the side of the calf just below the knee are missing. No.. i didn't lose them, they uh... broke... due to very lousy design that really can't be helped. It was terrible, the way it moved caused undue stress on the clip like part and one side snapped, prompting me not to try to test fit the rest of the armour plates. Glued it back after with super glue. With some sanding and paining, nobody would ever know the diff! guess the assembled unit has to be fixed or else you'll have other parts breaking on you.

See why it needs paint? Goodness, the white on two different sprues were like so diferent. One was bright white and the other was almost yellowed. Anyway these armour plates easy to fix the really hard parts are...

THE SEAMS! Man, i thought a $180USD kit would be so well made and have little of these to fix.. but there ya go, can't really escape from these. Going to be filled with putty and sanded smooth but sadly this head needs to be left as it is because it contains a battery and LED to light up the eyes. The back plate removed, there is a small switch to turn on the light inside. Worse than seams are something called "nasty-ass-stubs-from-cutting-the-parts-out-of-the-sprue" as seen below.

These things take ages to get rid off. Why don't i cut nearer to the plastic? Because that would leave a hole or a gouge in the plastic,which is worse. Needs to be puttied AND sanded. Oh well... now to show some pictures of my prebuild. I'm going to take it all apart to paint, a test fit this helps me see where i need to paint and which parts i don't need to bother with if they are covered by other parts.

The fingers are individualy articulated. Each having 3 ball joints for super poseability! See how cool it looks! yeah right.. Also possible are "Gundam digging nose pose" and "Gundam scratching butt when nobody is looking pose". Notice that it can KNEEL. Properly at least. Might not mean much for people who don't realise how unposeable normal kits are.This one's an ease to pose. Only trouble is its so stiff i don't know whether i'm moving the joint or breaking it.

They have a nice big oversized mean looking sword included that never appeared in the anime, some sorta bonus.

Okay, i was just tempted to push it abit far, this is "gundam breakdancing pose". This thing has got endless possibilities, here i could easily position the CG over the arms so that it stays there by itself. the hands were about to fall apart though, due to the metal weights in the legs added to stabilise.

I'll have to take it apart before i start to sand and paint. So far i've spent about 10 hours assembling. Yesterday night for 2 hours and today about 8 hours in total. Assembly usually is much quicker once i've see it put together once, can take it apart and put it together without consulting the instructions. Well, here's the last picture for today's entry. I've begun disassembling it!

I'm not very impressed by this perfect grade so far, too heavy, stiff, and doesn't assemble quickly (duh...) Going to try out a master grade next, a grade below this one. But no time till next year for that.

Seeya in the near future! Be away at children's and youth camp for my church so won't be touching this model for quite a while. Heading to Taiwan on christmas all the way to new year. On the 16th and 17th is the Christmas Cantata that has been put up by my church. Its at ACS Barker near newton mrt. Come down to have a look if you're free. You can find me in the sound room. Until then!